Saturday! Saturday! Saaaaturday!

Must. Get. Out. Of. Bed. So much to do today, specifically this morning...and so little time. Naturally the other parent is NOT here...hooray for forced single parenting. Careful reading that, you may have gotten a little sarcasm on you. The boys are up and so excited to see Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Johnny & Uncle Mike. I still need to bathe them both (solo), make breakfast for them (solo), get them to pick up their bedrooms, get myself showered, dressed and fed...hair and makeup done...and all in the next 3 hours. I just want to note here that it takes me 3 hours for myself alone, and that's just the showering and getting dressed and ready. Time is NOT on my side, nor is sleep, though I prefer sleep's take on the day. I am, however, happy to be going to watch my brother-in-law's rugby match and then watch my cousin tear it up on the diamond...another softball Whitney legacy :)

Class vs Ass

Ok, we all do it. To say we don't would be a lie. But in this girl's opinion, it's all about with whom you CHOOSE to do it. Before you let your mind get too far into the gutter, I'm talking about kissing and telling. My best friend knows more about me than pretty much EVERYONE I know, but that's the nature of the beast. That's the POINT of having a best friend. They're someone you can share ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with, and you know they'll still accept you. They know every glorious brag-worthy escapade, and every ugly, embarrassing, dirty little secret. These are things I understand. I think most, if not all, people need someone they feel they can confide in for any and everything...a place of safety and devoid of judgement. What I don't understand are the people who kiss and tell to anyone who has ears...heartbeat optional. We've been acquaintances for a while. You've decided to re-label us as friends, although let's be honest, nothing has changed between us because of that...but I'll save that for another post. Why, of all people, would you 1) feel it's appropriate to tell me about your new girlfriend losing her virginity to you or 2) think I care? I know nothing about her, except for what she looks like, the few superficial things you've raved about in relation to her, and that she LOOKS sweet and abso-freakin'-lutely adorable. And, albeit I could be completely wrong, she also looks like the type of girl who would be mortified to discover her boyfriend divulging that information to anyone...much less a female friend, especially a new one. I can only think of a few reason why anyone would choose to do something like that, and they are as follows:

1) they're classless braggers

2) they want you to understand that they're serious about this person

3) they want to find out your reaction (for whatever reason)

4) they're looking for attention because they have low self-confidence

In this particular case, I'm sure each of the above is true to some extent. So, let me respond to each:

1) Grow up. Women don't like classless men. It's not attractive. If you want to get married again, you might want to consider this.

2) I get that you're serious about her. I also get that you're infatuate with her. And if you end up hurting her again, even though we barely know each other, you will hear from me about it. That's the nature of the beast buddy.

3) My reaction is...I don't care. You're an adult. She's an adult. You can make adult decisions together. My infatuation has long since ended as there's too much about you that I just have neither the time nor desire with which to deal. Doesn't mean I don't still think you're a phenomenal person; I just see you for who you really are now. No more pedestal. No more pit.

4) It is evident for more reasons than the most recent bragging that you have low self-confidence. Take a second. Look at yourself in the mirror. You're gorgeous, head to toe. Accept it. Appreciate it. Take a second. Look around your house and in your garage. You have everything you want in terms of a home and belongings. Accept it. Appreciate it. Take a second. Look at your occupation. You're living your occupational dream, achieving your goals, touching and changing lives, making a difference in your practice, your community, your city, your state, your country, your world. You are living your dreams as they currently are. Accept it. Appreciate it. And, since I know you're still feeling like you lack some self-confidence after that: break it down, see how it serves you and others. Accept it. Appreciate it.

That's it from the soap box this morning kids. Remember, the difference between CLASS and ASS is Conscious Living (or Loving).

Letter to Me

Dear Juliana,

Breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Feel the warmth of the sunshine. Feel the coolness of the breeze. Soak in the greens of the grass and budding leaves. Drink in the perfume of the lilacs. Life is all around you. Light is all around you. Perfect balance is all around you and within you. Energy is never lost, but transformed. You've not been left. And even when you don't remember, the truth still remains: you are worthy of love; you are loved beyond measure; you are enough. When you lose your faith, allow yourself to trust others enough to rest in theirs and be comforted.

Love,
Me ♥

Power

My heart is so heavy today. There's so much I don't understand, and with which I don't agree. A friend asked me, "Why do you think you have the power to take away their afflictions? Are you god?" I am light, and I am love - the same as Jesus, the same as the earth, the stars, the rain, the trees, the universe. Why would I think I DON'T have that power? I may not always be awake to it, but it resides in me, as it resides in everything. How can I not want to help myself and others awaken to that and out of this ridiculous dream of mortality and physicality. We are spiritual beings have a terrestrial experience, not the other way around.

Time to get a second job and get to work...big dreams and big goals take big sacrifices, and I'm not willing to take the slow route.

Monday, Bloody Monday

The air is crisp and cool, the birds are singing, the boys are back at school after a 2 week spring break, the tea kettle working to a whistle. Life is good. Minus the war happening in my head. Holy ow! If it were transcribed to a movie, it would put any epic film battle to ridiculous shame. Oh the need for a male nurturer in my life. Do those even exist?

On a side note: yesterday was, well...nevermind...all that's really important is that I FOUND MY MUM'S LAST LETTER TO ME! I've never felt so relieved or comforted in 6 years. To take all of the credit and say that it was due solely to my own brilliance would be a bald faced lie. I was literally a blubbering heap on the floor for most of the day. A friend spent a great deal of time and energy helping me to refocus my thoughts and meditate and visualize it. Frankly, I'm surprised I didn't end up shorting out my phone from all the tears while we texted. (I really wish I was exaggerating people, but I kid you not - I was a hot disturbing mess of puffy red eyes, sobbing, hot tears, hyperventilating, with black mascara running down my cheeks in inch-wide streams...in short one HUGE panic attack that put me just shy of the looney bin.) I obviously have some issues to work out, but I'm grateful for the patience that was expressed.

But back to today...today is a mummy rejuvenation day. Time to find something healthy for breakfast and sip some tea...possibly take a bath, if I can get up the strength to gather all of the toys from the tub...though I might leave the submarine and deep water explorer...those kinda look fun...

Oy, to motherless motherhood...