The air is crisp and cool, the birds are singing, the boys are back at school after a 2 week spring break, the tea kettle working to a whistle. Life is good. Minus the war happening in my head. Holy ow! If it were transcribed to a movie, it would put any epic film battle to ridiculous shame. Oh the need for a male nurturer in my life. Do those even exist?
On a side note: yesterday was, well...nevermind...all that's really important is that I FOUND MY MUM'S LAST LETTER TO ME! I've never felt so relieved or comforted in 6 years. To take all of the credit and say that it was due solely to my own brilliance would be a bald faced lie. I was literally a blubbering heap on the floor for most of the day. A friend spent a great deal of time and energy helping me to refocus my thoughts and meditate and visualize it. Frankly, I'm surprised I didn't end up shorting out my phone from all the tears while we texted. (I really wish I was exaggerating people, but I kid you not - I was a hot disturbing mess of puffy red eyes, sobbing, hot tears, hyperventilating, with black mascara running down my cheeks in inch-wide streams...in short one HUGE panic attack that put me just shy of the looney bin.) I obviously have some issues to work out, but I'm grateful for the patience that was expressed.
But back to today...today is a mummy rejuvenation day. Time to find something healthy for breakfast and sip some tea...possibly take a bath, if I can get up the strength to gather all of the toys from the tub...though I might leave the submarine and deep water explorer...those kinda look fun...
Oy, to motherless motherhood...
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